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“To every action there is an equal and opposite reaction…”
-Newton’s Third Law of Motion
A friend of mine recently devoted a post to the value of friendship. Personally, I can’t bear to offer more energy into a relationship than that which I am given in return. That is not to say we should not do good for the sake of doing good. It’s just that, after awhile, the lack of a favorable response becomes exhausting. It’s nice to get something back. Something to show the hope was not in vain. An equal reaction in the opposite direction…
What am I to you?
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blueWhen you’re feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I’d give you my last shirt
Because I love you soIf my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I’m giving you the ballWhen I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you’re blue
Tell me darling true
What am I to youCould you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don’t fill my heart with liesI will you love when you’re blue
Tell me darling true
What am I to you…
Someone who insists on being there even during the hardest of your times… Maybe it’s selfishness or an issue of self-worth. I personally need the reciprocity to show me it’s not just empty words I’m getting back. Anyway, that’s just me…
What do you think?
I remember when I first had this “epiphany”. I was in college and devoting so much time to a friendship that I wasn’t getting anything back in return. I was frustrated and hurt. Was my friendship not good enough? Was _I_ not good enough? And then out of the blue, another friend did something incredibly kind and unexpected. And the epiphany happened…I finally realized that I had good friends who were willing to put in the effort and that some people are lost causes and it wasn’t worth my energy devoting any more time to them. I made a last attempt with the friend and left it in her ball court…and never heard from her. It was sad in a way, but I finally felt like I knew what friendship was all about. And that’s stuck with me all these years…I totally agree that (under normal circumstances) you need that reciprocity at some point to prove to you that said friend is doing their part. It’s definitely give and take…
I agree with you entirely, and have definitely let a few unbalanced friendships fade because I wasn’t getting back what I was putting in. This is why I make it a point to surround myself with positive people (like Keane) because they bring me up, and just being themselves in that upbeat and naturally caring way is already a major contribution, which primes that upward spiral. Thanks for posting this. It’s a good reminder to me to maintain relationships with the positive people in my life and not take their good nature for granted. Note to self: call your mother
Thanks, Matt :)
I think the key word in your post is “personally”. This is the sort of thing that everyone has to assess for themselves. I sort of think that it’s the introverted tendency to want as least as much as you give in friendship, since inherently you are expending your “vital energy” to just be around people. Perhaps true extroverts see it differently?
But some things I’ve noticed in some of my longer lasting, better friendships is that things can be cyclic. Sometimes one half is giving more than the other over a certain period of time, but over all it averages out to be OK. I guess the lesson to this is to avoid serial flakers, but don’t necessarily right people off for being flakey on occasion?
yes yes yes. why must i put in all the effort? :/
but then it makes you appreciate the ones who reciprocate. ;)
I revisited this blog entry. It’s funny how a year later, I still feel the same way.
Seriously. I have a period of really somber, emotional posts that I have to take a breath before revisiting.